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Leicester City request restart to EPL Season

Leicester City have requested that the current EPL season be restarted.

Claudio Ranieri cited external factors as the main reason for a vastly indifferent start to this season.


Ranieri : “Jamie Vardy’s chewing tobacco is stuck in a port somewhere in Spain, and our good luck Pizza cutter has been missing since THAT party last season.”

He went on further saying that his players initially thought that N’golo Kanté had taken it with him to Chelsea but they aren’t winning either so that theory has since been put to bed.

The FA have since replied to Leicester City’s request with a resounding “NO.”

Leicester’s success last season was mainly down to a formula of team spirit, rock solid defence and lightning speed counter attacking football.  This season however, goals seem to be leaking in faster than Sam Allardyce’s departure, while at the other end of the pitch they seem to be experiences a drought ( El Nino at Chelsea effect). Weather or not they can turn their fortunes around remains to be seen.

Superstar Riyad Mahrez has not yet hit the levels he had managed in the previous season. A family friend indicates that he is still highly upset after his barber had been snapped up by Paul Pogba.

He has since taken himself out of his fantasy league team.

Ranieri has also blamed the departure of midfield maestro Kanté for the lack of bite in the centre of midfield.

Ranieri :” I tried reverse psychology with him. I said If you want to go, then Go…and then he went. I honestly was NOT expecting that.”

Danny Drinkwater has not been as fluid in his play as we was in the previous campaign, and has seemingly blamed his colleague at left back for the downturn in luck this season. It could just be speculation but when asked by a flood of reporters why things are not going as well, he shouted : For Fuchs sake!

Well that’s a confirmation if ever we’ve heard one.

To counter the negativity, players have taken the dressing Room Banter to new levels, giving each other hilarious nicknames to keep their spirits up.
A cousin to the tea lady was kind enough to give us these exclusive gems:

Cheonardo Ulloa – Because the L’s in his surname stand for something else.

Marc “Over Mars” Albrighton – Because his crosses and shots go into Row H

Wes Morgan has noticeably picked up some weight, his 6 pack seemingly replaced by a barrel. This change in physique has led to many team mates calling him “Captain Morgan“

Good to know the boys haven’t lost their sense of humor.

Fans of the English Premier league will be hoping that the Foxes regain their fantastic form, and soon.  With a couple of great wins in the Champions League under their belt, Ranieri must now find a way to get his teams firing in the league as well.

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